My Money Story: Part X

My Money Story: Part X

I’m 34 years old, graduated with honors from one of the top-15 universities in the world, have a “real job”, and I’m broke. This is the story of how I did everything I thought I was “supposed” to do and still found myself 100K in debt and moving back home (to my aunt & uncle’s). Want to start from the beginning? Go to My Money Story: Can I Have A Do-Over?

July 4, 2018

Know that if you ever have to sell all your things and move in with your aunt and uncle (I never saw it coming either), your mind will play tricks on you in order to avoid doing the inevitable.

In fact, I’ve found all sorts of things I need to do at the exact time I should be packing.

Here’s just a few:

  • Stretching out a recipe photo shoot for an extra hour because I couldn’t get it quite right
  • Working on my friend’s wedding weekend itinerary because it’s way more fun than packing
  • Taking PJ for a two-hour walk because I can’t pack if I’m not home…

You know, the usual.

I tried to pack, I really did, but I hit a roadblock when I got to my CDs. I mean, what on earth am I going to do with all my CDs??? I can’t sell them — there really isn’t a market for them — but throwing them away seems wrong too. 

*Insert memories of saving my elementary school allowance to go to Harmony House and buy the latest Janet Jackson CD — which, by the way, I still have.*

Note that my hesitation is not because I listen to them. I, like most millennials, listen to music digitally. In fact, my car doesn’t even have a CD player, which means the only time I’ve touched my CDs in the past five years was to move them from one apartment to another.

That being said, I can’t bring myself to throw them away. I also can’t take them with me. Currently, space is a valuable commodity and I shouldn’t take it up with things I don’t even use. **

I’m open to any and all ideas.

In all honesty, though, it’s not packing that’s holding me back — it’s fear. Fear of leaving behind an apartment I love, in a city I love; fear of being a failure for having to move home at 33; fear of never being able to get back on track (if I was ever there in the first place) — my list of fears is endless.

Then today, as if it were an answer from the Universe, the latest Soul Sparks Newsletter showed up in my inbox — appropriately titled “Your Best Day is Coming“.

In it, Kristin (the creator of Soul Sparks) wrote:

I know that sometimes you choose the comfort of worn-out, limiting beliefs, rather than risk the unknown of an expansive life.”

Wait, what?! How did she just call me out even though she’s never met me??

This was all it took for me to realize that my avoidance tactics are just my unconscious attempts to stay in my comfort zone, no matter how much that comfort zone is holding me back.

The reality is that no matter how comfortable it may feel, staying here would only limit me (and my future) because I’d always be waiting for someone or something to come and save me — be it a raise, winning the lottery, a gift from a generous stranger — all while spending more than I make on rent.

Although it may seem scarier, I’m much better off taking a step into the unknown, getting a little uncomfortable, and trusting that I will end up where I need to be — even if I can’t imagine where that is yet.

No, this does not mean my fears were erased. I’m still scared of the things I mentioned before (and then some), but now I know that fear is just part of the process. It’s actually normal to be afraid of change. This shift in perspective helped give me the confidence I needed to move forward.

And, yes, pack.

** As of publishing this, my CDs are currently under my bed at my aunt and uncles ?‍♀️

Want to know how this whole thing started?

Go to My Money Story: Can I Have a Do-Over to start from the beginning.

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