February 19, 2018 – Ubud, Bali
At the beginning of my retreat in Bali, we were asked to set an intention for the week and share it with the group. My intention was to be present, which is something I have been struggling with for years. In good times, I would live in the future, excited for the plans that I had ahead. In bad times, I would relive the past and beat myself up, or dread over my lack of ability to see clearly what the future would hold for me.
We were also given a journaling theme every day. If it resonated with us, we could journal about it, which mostly I did, although sometimes I was feeling something else (or not feeling like journaling at all), so I definitely opted out of a few. Having a journaling theme was something I hadn’t experimented with before, and, as someone who struggles to journal on a regular basis, I actually found it quite helpful in getting the creative juices flowing.
Today’s theme: what does magic mean to you?
Magic was something I constantly hoped for not so long ago. I hoped that magically I would have a fulfilling career. Magically the friends who had drifted away would come back into my life. Magically the man I’ve been imagining would appear in my life. I searched for magic in alcohol, late nights, forced connections with strangers. But all of those things were actually just escapes from my present, from feeling alone, from realizing that I can cultivate a space inside me that feels so comfortable and whole that I don’t need anything else. That anything else is just the cherry on the sundae.
So, I guess real magic is the same as the intent that I set for this week – being present. Sometimes your present is a beautiful day in Bali with a fun, relaxing agenda that someone else planned. But sometimes your present is a cold, rainy workday where you miss your friends and you just want someone to snuggle you while you wear your snowflake onesie and eat crab rangoon. But each of those types of presence can teach you something. Each has some small kind of magic in them. Magic is never wasting a moment.
Check out this post to start Joy’s journey from the beginning.
For more from Joy, check out her Know Your Worth interview.